A small but fascinating study examines the feelings of menopausal women about their long-ago abortions, which occurred an average of 24 years earlier. British researchers extensively interviewed eight women about their experiences and published the results in the October 20 Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology.
"The work provides an insight into the very long-term consequences of this procedure for these participants," wrote Kathryn Dykes of Greater Manchester West Mental Health National Health Service (NHS) Foundation Trust, Pauline Slade of the University of Sheffield, and Annette Haywood of the NHS in Sheffield. "It is likely that women may benefit from the availability of post-[abortion] counselling services not necessarily just in the immediate aftermath, but at different points after the procedure."
The researchers asked women participating in a menopause clinic to volunteer for the study. The eight women who agreed were interviewed for an average of one hour and asked detailed questions about their abortion experience and their feelings at the time and into the present.
The interviews demonstrated several common themes experienced by the post-abortive women. These included a predominantly negative long-term emotional impact, the fear of judgment, greater inner strength and compassion for others, and the attempt to avoid thoughts about the abortion but being unable to forget it.
The authors found that some women suffered from "cognitive dissonance," a psychological conflict that occurs when the person has two strong opposing feelings. "Women reported knowing that the [abortion] was 'the right thing to do,' but maintained a negative perspective of the self as 'bad' or 'guilty,'" they wrote.
"This explains the inconsistency in some women's self-perceptions, for example split into 'good mother/person' and 'bad person who had [an abortion]' and apparent inability to integrate these opposing views. The justification and contradiction themes illustrate that memories have been 'blocked out' to such a degree that inconsistency remains unresolved."
The impact of menopause--the ending of a woman's childbearing years--on attitudes toward prior abortion experiences was also a focus of the research. While most of the woman denied a direct association between menopause and thoughts about the abortion, the time of life did cause many to rethink the choices they made when younger and characterized their abortion as a "loss" that caused vulnerability and stress.
The authors included many quotes from the women, identified only by their first names, that illustrate the conflicting feelings that they are experiencing as they grow older. "I wish I'd had the baby now, but my life's a lot happier," said Jenny. "I felt guilty, I thought some people could look at me and see that I were guilty, that I'd done something wrong … sometimes I wish I could not feel this, weight in my chest and this guilt that I feel," Elaine told the researchers.
Tina described her attempts to forget the abortion and the negative feelings, but admitted that it is impossible. "Blocking them out and trying to get through things, doesn't work always and you don't realise how deep they are until you realise … they have sort of like had a knock-on effect in your life," she said.
Some of the women went on to have more children, although others never did give birth. They all reported a sense of wistfulness and regret as time went on.
"I could have had a daughter or a son, a little granddaughter, that's blood, you know, that's my own," said Barbara. Jenny said, "I've always thought of him … wondering how old he'd be, I do wonder about that child."
Ann, who did not have more children, said she feels that her childless state is a consequence of her abortion. "I know it sounds a bit stupid but I feel as if it's like, is this my judgement? It's like, it's as if this is my punishment [no more children]," she said. Ann added, "It's haunted me to be honest, I'm ashamed, I think it's just something else I have to hate myself about."
The authors call for more research into the long-term impact of abortion. Even decades after an abortion women are suffering psychological harm, and this fact needs to be supported by further study that takes into account their individual experiences. "It is likely that emotional response to [abortion] is complex and more in-depth and detailed understandings may be gained through using qualitative approaches which explore and reflect women's experiences in their own words, rather than in response to predetermined concepts and categories measured by questionnaires," they wrote. "Sound qualitative studies, within a UK setting, are required to fully understand any longer-term impact of living with a history of [abortion]."
Contact: Liz Townsend
Source: NRLC
Publish Date: November 9, 2010 |
