“When I would bring up the idea of having children, Kathleen would say things like, “I don’t deserve to be a mother.” It started to dawn on me that unresolved pain, shame, and grief related to her abortions were at the heart of her reluctance to have children. It was difficult to know how to address what was clearly a painful and sensitive wound in a way that would be helpful.
One time I said, “You can’t sweep your abortions under the rug forever.”
She said, “If I didn’t sweep them under the rug, I couldn’t live with myself.” Kathleen had stuffed the pain and hurt deep down inside herself in order to cope, but in doing so she walled off an area of her heart that could’ve otherwise been used to love herself and me. The price of avoiding the issue was taking a terrible toll on Kathleen and our marriage.
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